


lift your head // 고개 들어

by potatogarden



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Eventual Romance, Korean+English dialogue, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Masturbation, caught in the middle of wanking, emotional stress, top!sunghoon + bot!jay, will update tags as I post
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:35:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28810464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatogarden/pseuds/potatogarden
Summary: Some jayhoon romance thing I'm attempting...set sometime during their debut preparation.-Sunghoon had requested to leave the photoshoot early due to him ‘feeling unwell’. God bless his manager who was kind enough to drive him back to the dorm. Upon arrival he passed a few hot packs into Sunghoon’s cold, clammy hands through the car window.“옷 갈아입고 푹셔. 뭔일 있으면 전화하고.”(Get some rest after you change. Call me if something happens.)
Relationships: Park Jongseong | Jay & Park Sunghoon, Park Jongseong | Jay/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	lift your head // 고개 들어

[♫](https://youtu.be/J01NJU5httw)

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Sunghoon had requested to leave the photoshoot early due to him ‘feeling unwell’. God bless his manager who was kind enough to drive him back to the dorm. Upon arrival he passed a few hot packs into Sunghoon’s cold, clammy hands through the car window.

“옷 갈아입고 푹셔. 뭔일 있으면 전화하고.”  
_(Get some rest after you change. Call me if something happens.)_

He patted Sunghoon on the shoulder reassuringly before rolling up the window and Sunghoon watched the black van leave the parking lot. 

The manager looked back with concern. He was afraid to leave the kid alone but he had duties to attend to including monitoring the rest of the members onsite the photoshoot. 

The figure of Sunghoon became smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. Just like the kid’s self-esteem over the past couple of days.

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###  **lift your head [1]**

##### 고개 들어

Why was the boiler left on, in the middle of September too?

The hooded jacket he was wearing was hastily taken off and hurled onto his bed. The sudden temperature change made his photoshoot outfit stick to his skin from all the sweat underneath. He didn’t actually want to be sick. Having a fever and whatnot during the group’s debut preparation schedule sounded like absolute hell. 

He really needed to get himself out of these clothes. Inside the dressing room he stood in front of the full length mirror inspecting his slouched form from head to toe, eyes returning back to his face and lingering there for a while. His brown hair was a little tousled from the car ride, a few strands sticking onto his forehead. Beads of perspiration formed on the top of his lip and nose which he lightly dabbed away with the back of his hand. 

It was starting to get a bit too stuffy, so he took off his black blazer and beige vest too, tossing it onto one of the make-up tables, knocking over some of Sunoo’s lip tints. An exasperated sigh left his lips as his gaze returned to the reflection of his tired expression. 

The poses he had planned for the photoshoot that morning were still fresh in his mind. Weight shifted onto the back leg, slotting only the thumb into the left pant pocket, chin tilted down slightly to straighten the spine. Stare at the camera. Or in this case, Sunghoon stared at himself in the mirror before him. 

He and the other members shared a common anxiety, ‘I don’t think I’ll look good’. However Sunghoon knew in the back of his mind that they were just being awfully humble. Although he was voted as the I-lander with top visuals and was practically bounding with joy, the happiness was only temporary. God, the second-hand embarrassment too when he and the six other members gathered around the big screen in the living room to watch that episode together when they first moved in.

The confidence was just a facade to go with the flow. Fake it till you make it. And he did make it, but Sunghoon just never hit that ideal point of satisfaction in his life ever. Fingers were crossed that his debut would crack his shell open and his self-esteem would improve.

But with his current mindset he was so far from that goal.

“아, 좆같네...”  
_(Ah, fuck me...)_

Sunghoon cursed as he felt the familiar tightness of a tension headache around his head. He massaged his temples, his eyes still hadn’t left his reflection in the mirror. He drew out another one of his resigned sighs...he was going to have to wank this one out again.

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Out of all of his tried and tested methods for stress relief, masturbation was the most efficient by far. He felt uneasy with a tad of self-resent for figuring it out and for doing it in his bed while the others were chilling in the living room playing smash or preparing dinner, like normal teenagers. Everyone thought he would be taking a power nap to recuperate mentally, instead he would be staining his sheets. You gotta do what you gotta do. 

It was rare to be alone in the dorm. Usually one or two members would be present with him but with Sunghoon pulling out early from today’s schedule, the situation happened to be like that. From the rate at which the photographers were going through each member, Sunghoon estimated that they would be back in three hours at least including driving time. He could be a bit more lenient with himself this time and not have to do it while sprawled in bed.

After undoing his fly, he grabbed his flaccid penis from out of his spandex underwear, giving it a few good strokes to get the blood flowing. His shirt was getting in the way so he rolled it up a tad and resumed touching himself. The fabric would unfurl anyway so he grabbed the hem of the shirt and bit onto it. Now his vision was unobscured and his momentum wouldn’t be disrupted.

For a few moments it just felt like skin rubbing aimlessly against skin, but soon enough it progressed into something more pleasurable. Sunghoon would pause briefly at times to apply saliva on his fingers and massage it over his head to minimise the friction. 

Small strokes turned into pumps as he found that sweet spot along his shaft for anchoring his fingers so that his foreskin wouldn’t stretch too much painfully, but also glide easily over the head of his cock for optimal pleasure.

Sunghoon’s attention was so honed in on jacking himself off, he’d almost forgotten that he was standing in front of the full length mirror. Curiosity got the better of him and well...

“야해...”  
_(Sexy...)_

God, did he really just compliment himself like that? Sunghoon was aware he had this odd tendency to boost his morale through self-praise (he’d admitted it several times on live broadcast) but this was so embarrassing. His ears started to burn up to exemplify that. Thank the heavens not one soul was home to hear him mumble to himself with his shirt in his mouth and his hand moving vigorously over his penis. Fuck, he was so close too...

“뭐하냐?”  
_(What are you doing?)_

_Fuck._ Sunghoon quickly let go of his manhood to stop his approaching orgasm, but was immediately betrayed by his body. His mouth let go of his shirt which unravelled down his belly, ineffectively catching the drops of semen that shot out of his pulsating dick, the rest splattering onto the mirror surface. The metallic taste of blood settled on his tongue as he bit down hard onto his lip to muffle his moan. His abdomen was trembling from the shallow but shuddering breaths as he recovered from his unfortunate climax. 

The acute stress had been released from his body, but blood drained from his face as he remembered he was no longer alone in the dorm anymore. Hesitantly he looked up and recognised the familiar silhouette of his fellow bandmate, Jay, standing in the doorway. 

“젠장.”  
_(Shit.)_

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“이 날씨에 보일러를 왜 켜?”  
_(Why turn on the boiler in this weather?)_

Mumbling to himself, Jay took his black shoes off and wore his designated slippers. Sunghoon's slippers weren't on the shoe rack as expected. Jay's photoshoot outfit was a little itchy and stuffy now due to the unusually hot temperature but he was too lazy to change out of it before he arrived at the dorm. He turned the knob on the boiler control panel from 'interior heating' to 'heated water' before he opened the door to the bedroom. Sunghoon wasn’t there, but he was relieved to find that his hooded jacket was lying on his bed. Jay also got rid of his jacket, picked up Sunghoon’s and headed to the dressing room. 

Perhaps he was having a breakdown in the bathroom. Who knows. 

Jay always had this hunch that Sunghoon wasn’t coping well with the busy schedule laid out for them in the coming months. He knew Sunghoon worked hard and pushed himself a lot, but having your days blocked out from morning till night, especially right after the draining I-land broadcast, he could rightfully predict that this would happen early on. As a friend who had trained alongside him for two years, and as a human being, Jay could empathise with what Sunghoon was going through.

Jay had excused himself from the photoshoot early as well and was able to be driven back to the dorm by his manager who revealed his suspicions and concerns for Sunghoon. They agreed several times during the ride that he was becoming more reclusive which would inevitably become a detriment to the team. 

“부탁한다 종성아.”  
_(I trust you, Jongseong.)_

His manager's words replayed in his head as Jay approached the dressing room and well....

He blinked a few times, mistaking Sunghoon for some pervert fanboy who had broken into their dorm. But for sure it was definitely, one hundred percent Sunghoon right there in front of that mirror...jerking off. 

“뭐하냐?”  
_(What are you doing?)_

And the next few moments branded Jay’s mind. He could not break eye contact with the thing in between Sunghoon’s legs, spewing white liquid everywhere. _Holy shit_...now Jay could feel his own cheeks reddening from embarrassment. He wished he had turned the boiler off earlier. The heat was absolutely suffocating, didn't Sunghoon notice? 

They didn’t dare to look in each other’s eyes. He heard Sunghoon curse under his breath, tucking his member back into his pants as he squeezed past Jay before hurriedly retreating into the bathroom. Jay then heard the ‘rush’ of the shower water turning on. 

Jay stored away their jackets into one of the wardrobes. He wanted to jet, jump out of a window and just scream, still flabbergasted by the recent events. And he swore he got whiplash after he caught sight of the viscous white fluid slowly oozing down the mirror surface. 

“이거 실화냐?”  
_(Did that really just happen?)_

It really did. Jay really wished it didn’t, but the fact that he was wiping down a cum-stained mirror - dirtied by his fellow colleague, roommate, friend - affirmed his misfortune. 

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The following days were a nightmare for Sunghoon. 

The members noticed that he was going to bed earlier, and it was an attempt to fall asleep sooner. But his thoughts were constantly plagued by the image of Jay’s shocked expression, the anxious possibility of him having told the other members, the mirror that he forgot to clean off that day. The stress was creeping back to him but the thought of masturbating again merely brought those horrible memories back to the surface.

The sound of a creaking door alerted Sunghoon to face the wall and shut his eyes to feign sleep. He felt his bunk bed shake a little as someone entered the bed underneath his. It was Jay. 

His friendship with Jay was precarious after the incident. He strived to keep all interactions and even eye contact to a minimum. Despite this, it was a struggle as Jay was incredibly outgoing to everyone and naturally maintained that with Sunghoon too - on and off camera. And because he was so friendly with the others, Sunghoon was terrified that the members were just hiding their perceptions of him as being indecent, because Jay surely told them what happened. However as a friend of two years and counting he knew Jay wouldn't just blab to anyone about anything unless there was a purpose, but he had to prepare for the worst. Nibbling at the inside of his cheek, Sunghoon hoped and prayed to every god he could ever think of. 

_“말 꺼내지 마라 종성아 제발.”_  
(Don’t say anything Jongseong please.)

He gripped at his bedsheet, chanting those words over and over in this head...but it was futile.

“잠깐 얘기하자.”  
_(Let’s talk.)_

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###  **lift your head [1]**

##### 고개 들어

**Author's Note:**

> not me cringing at myself for starting something when i know i will never finish it :')  
> thank you for reading regardless and pls do not hesitate to leave a comment or cc <3  
> will be making grammar/spelling edits in my spare time!
> 
> [ twt ](https://twitter.com/potatogarden)  
> [ cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/potatogarden)  
> [ my art acc ](https://twitter.com/jamong_hs)  
> 
> 
> my other fics:  
> [ 🐧x🦅 [E]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630143) | [ 🐧x🦮 [M]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28933143) | [ 🐧x🦮 [E]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28504452) | [ 🦊x🦅 [E] ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28993266) | [ 🐧x🦊x🦅 [E] ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28669974) | [ 🐈x🦅 [E] ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29063610) | [ 🐧x🦊 [E]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29599392) | [ 🐈x🦅 [E comic] ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29392110) | [ 🐈x🐧x🦅 [E comic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29214330)


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